uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Found the puke drawer
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
