I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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