i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
