I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
