I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
