last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
