My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
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A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
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I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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