i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
