I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
