I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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