The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
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