We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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