Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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