her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
