My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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