And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
