11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
