U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Randomize
