Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
