K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
