you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
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I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
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saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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