i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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