His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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