He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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