There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Can't talk, ducks in the car
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
