i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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