I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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