After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
