yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
