i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
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Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
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Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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