fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
