My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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