why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
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we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
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Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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