If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
