I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
