I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
