haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
