Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
