I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
