He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
