She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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