so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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