i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
