...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
