Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
