i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
