i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
