why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
