I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
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I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
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Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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