I heard we made out
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
