You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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