I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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