I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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