i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
This house was built for laser tag.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
