im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
