If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
