I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
