her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
