come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
