My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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